Kiss me forever.

I was standing on the terrace. I didn’t know why but that day tears started flowing down my eyes. I don’t cry that quickly generally but that day when mom said ‘Rhitika, I feel that you will never be able to fulfil your dad’s dream. Have you seen your marks?’ tears started flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. What I should have done? I want to run away from the world, maybe this world was not for me. I was tired from my day to day life and to reduce some tension I came up on the terrace. The evening was becoming denser the sky was filled with reddish colour. People say that we can see mars from the earth sometime, till now I was trying to see mars, whenever I see reddish colour of the sky my eyes used to automatically start searching the mars, today also when I reached up, my eyes started searching for the mars, mars which looks like a tennis ball from the earth never came in my eyesight. I don’t know how much it’s true but I know this fact that we can see mars from the earth when I was three years old. A boy of my age who was my best friend that time had told me that thing. I don’t know if it was true or not but I still remember when we were small we used try searching for the mass whenever the sky was red.

 I started looking down from the terrace towards the lawn, old people were performing peculiar exercises and kids were sliding down the slides and falling down on each other. Children of my age were occupying the swing which was their hang out adda and I was standing on the terrace. I don’t know how many times I have tried to join their group, I want to become like them, I want to laugh like them but I was failed. The whole group used to say that I am abnormal and I was no less, even I have given a name to the group “The Idiot Group”

Again a drop of tears fell on my hands, this time I was totally tired, I was fad up with my disciplined life.

‘Rhitika’ I heard my name. I turned back, Om was standing there. He started walking towards me. I turned again and I wiped my tears this time. He was also among one of the studious person on this earth but I think it will be quite a lot better to say that he was one of the perfect people on the earth. He used to top every test and examination and also he used to be in every group. He was not in my school but he was quite famous in the society.

‘How were your half yearly examinations?’ he asked.

‘Fine, but I didn’t top the exam like you’ I said with anger in my voice.

He was trying to say something which I was clearly able to make out from his voice but he was not being able to say even a word because maybe he had sensed the anger in my voice. He closed his eyes for few seconds and then he looked towards me and said ‘I want to say something, but I am afraid that you might become angry, please don’t be angry’ he paused for another few seconds and he spoke again ‘you know I have looked into your eyes many times and every time I feel that your eyes are tired, just don’t try to take pressure, try to enjoy everything. Just don’t keep studying every time, try to do everything you like, try to live your life, try to do what makes you happy, try to achieve your dreams. Work hard but consecutively learn to live life and be happy, learn to love. Try to do what your heart says. I know they call you abnormal, but you are not. You are very intelligent and very pretty.’

Within few seconds he have said so many things which I had never thought of till now, I will not say that I have never thought of but it will be better if I will say I was running away from these things,  I was running away from my happiness. His words have touched my heart. I was just looking towards him, generally I feel irritated even after hearing his name but I don’t know why today his words were music to my ears. Most probably he was the only person who had understood me.

‘If you want, I can help you in any subject’ he spoke again.

I was just looking into his eyes and he was looking here and there, trying to avoid eye contact.

‘I know you are angry and before you will start shouting at me, better I should leave. Sorry if I have said anything wrong’ he said and started walking back.

‘Can you help me in social studies?’ I finally said.

He turned back and walking towards me again ‘Sach?’ he asked.

I nodded and smiled.

‘So now we are friends right?’

‘No, now also you are a stupid for me. If you want than you can help but no friendship’ I folded my arms and I said with enough proud and anger in my voice as if he was asking my help.

‘Okay, than tomorrow at my place in the evening’ he said and started walking back.

I smiled, I was feeling better. I don’t know why it happened today. I don’t know why I was happy after talking with a boy with whom I never used to talk properly from six years.

It was completely dark; there were stars in the sky. I tied my hairs with a elastic hair band, I folded my arms, I took few round on the terrace, than I came down.

Mom was in the kitchen, generally I used to go and I used to say sorry but I don’t know why today I went inside my room and I sat on my bed. I didn’t switch on the lights, there was completely dark in my room, I lied on my bed and his each and every word started coming in my ears. I stood up and switch on the lights suddenly. I went in front of the mirror and I started looking at myself.

‘Am I really beautiful?’ I questioned myself and soon after few seconds I covered my face with my hands and started laughing on my question.

It never used to happen but I don’t know why that day there was smile on my face while having dinner.

‘What happened Rhitika? Looks like you are very happy today’ dad had asked me.

I stop smiling and answered ‘nothing dad.’

I don’t know last time when I had slept with peace as I slept that day. Next day in the morning when I woke up I went to mom and said ‘mom, I am sorry, I will try again and I will give my best in the finals.’

From that day we started studying together every day, at his place. After every three hours we used to take break when his mother used to enter the room with tea and snacks in the tray. Sometimes we used to read comics together; sometimes he used to entertain me telling about his funny friends.

He always used to say ‘Rhitika, this year we will celebrate your result together on the terrace.’

 Few months passed away, I started loving his company, and I had improved a lot in social studies.

It was Diwali that day; the whole sky was sparkling with the lights of the crackers. I was standing on the terrace, today the lawn was decorated with Diyas, every flat were decorated with multi colour lights, kids were playing with the crackers in the lawn and as usual the swing was occupied by the idiot group. Today Om was even joining the group, he was dressed in sherwani. I was looking towards him; I want him to be with me.

He looked up towards me and signalled me to wait by his hands and very soon after saying bye to all of them he moved towards the stairs. I turned back and I started looking towards the stairs, and within few minutes he was there in front of my eyes.

‘Wah, kya baat hai. Today you are looking hot’ he said looking at me.

I smiled at his comments. He came near me and said ‘Happy Diwali.’

‘Same to you, Om’ we started looking towards the lawn. ‘Hey, look it is so beautiful na?’ he asked pointing towards the Diyas in the lawn.

‘Yes it is.’

We stood there in silence for next few minutes, he was looking at the Diyas and I was continuously looking towards him.

 He broke the silence and said ‘I want to say something.’

‘Yes, say.’

‘Not here, come let us sit on the stairs’ he said.

We settle ourselves on the stairs. I looked towards him; he took my hands in his hands and said ‘I love you, Rhitika.’

I was shocked, at his words. I didn’t remove my hands from his. I looked into his eyes. I could see love in his eyes but I don’t know why my heart was broken at this moment. I was almost frozen like an ice. I don’t know why I was scared, he leaned forward to kiss me, I don’t know why but I pushed him back and I slapped him.

I started crying, I ran towards my flat and I locked myself in my room. I cried the whole night. I don’t know what has happened to me but I was just not being able to stop myself from crying so I let it be. I don’t know how I spend the whole night. I have found a good friend but I don’t why this happened to me?

I was from a disciplined family, my mother had never allowed me to watch even a movie than how could he say such things to me and even he tried kissing me.

In few day FA3 test were going to be started and unfortunately they went bad but social studies was very good.

The whole day in the school, I used to think about Om, sometimes I used to be angry on him and sometimes I do even used to miss him.

Final exams were very near, somehow I diverted my mind and I started studying. I remember his each and every word. I started enjoying my studies, I started loving my work. Finally the exams were over, after ten days the result was to be declared. Sometimes I used to stand in my balcony and I don’t know why my eyes should start searching for Om but after that day I never saw him.

Today was the result day and I was holding my result in my hand. I was the topper; I had scored 99.8% in the exams. I checked my marks in social studies and I jumped as I saw my mark, I had secured 96 marks out of 100 in social studies. On the way to home in the car, I just wanted to thank Om, but he was gone. I remember his words ‘Try to do what your heart says.’

I closed my eyes and his face came in front of me. He was the person who had given me some hope. I was completely filled with love, I was filled with motivation. I closed my eyes again and his first speech on the terrace started reaching my ears.

That day I just want to listen to my heart keeping away all the disciplines. I want to kiss that stupid, I want to hug him tightly; I want to slap him again because he was responsible for disturbing my mind so much in these days but at last I want to say him sorry.

It was a month of December and it was almost evening, the sky was reddish. Once again I wanted to go on the terrace and I want to try finding mars. As soon as the car came to a stop, I step outside and I ran towards the terrace. I was almost running and there was only one question and one wish in my mind ‘I doesn’t care if I will be able to see mars or not but I just want to see my love.

I reached on the terrace, I was tired, and I was breathing heavily. He was standing there looking towards the lawn. Before I could say something he said ‘I said na, it will be good and I am sorry for that day.’

He turned towards me, I didn’t say anything but I ran towards him and I hugged him tightly. Tears started flowing down my cheeks. I kissed his forehead, I kissed his cheeks and after few seconds he hugged me too.

I said ‘I want to say something, but not here.’

He smiled. We settle ourselves on the stairs. I took his hands in mine and said ‘I love you too Om, from now your hand, your kiss and you are mine forever, so don’t think of giving it to someone else, Warnaa!!!’

He smiled and kept his hands on my cheeks and asked ‘Warnaa kya?’

I smiled and I leaned to kiss him. We closed our eyes and finally our lips met each others.

I don’t know if I will be able to see mars or not but I think I have found my mars, my love.

Like a love story.

 I had published my first book lately and it was a moderate success. When you pour out your heart into something and if it does not pay off, it starts killing you slowly. Dejection had taken over me and my editor, Mr Mehra perceived it. He invited me to dinner and to a genial discussion about my prospects as an author to give a lift to my low spirits.

I reached his home at sharp 8 pm. It was the month of November and there was freezing cold outside. I was shivering, so to warm myself, I was rubbing my hands against each other. I rang the bell and after three minutes, Aradhya, Mr Mehra’s daughter opened the door. And she offered her hand for a handshake and we shook hands. She let me in and said mom is not at home and dad is in the washroom. I sat down on the sofa and she settled opposite me. She had been an intimate friend of mine for a while. Garruslous by nature, she started talking and I sat there gazing into her pretty face and listening to her sweet chirping. I was feeling that eternity should start now. But Mr. Mehra turned up in a few minutes and cut in on us. Before long, I found myself talking to him about my new novel completing forgetting his precious daughter with her blue eyes.

Being close friends, Aradhya and I would often meet and share the burdens of each others’ hearts. One day, we were sitting in the serene atmosphere of a park. All of a sudden, she became sentimental and told me that her parents were compelling her to agree to marry an affluent young businessman she didn’t like. She recounted how her parents had been pestering her. Her words were a mixture of fears and frustrations. I was just gazing at her and my heart was immensely troubled at her plight. I couldn’t believe that the Mr Mehra I knew could do that. As soon she finished I blurted ‘‘I think I am in love with you.’’ I don’t know why and how I did that instead of trying to compose her. I was flabbergasted at my own behavior. She sprang from the bench still with tears in her eyes. But these droplets rolling down her maddeningly beautiful cheeks could no longer be called the tears of sorrow. Her face lit up and crying harder, she said, ‘’Really? Still shocked by my proposal to her that came out of nowhere, I absent-mindedly said, ‘’Yes’.  Then she hugged me crying harder and said, ‘’I love you too.’’ I was still unable to make out what had happened. Is it for this reason that people call it falling in love? It’s not voluntary but you fall into it. Whatever it was, it was great. Something was surging in me and I was feeling I had melted from the feeling that I was experiencing. It’s indescribable. After a long intimate conversation, we had to part.

While driving back home I was experiencing strange things. My heart was hopping. I was feeling fulfilled.  Nature was adding fuel to my passion. The sound of the chilling wind was music to my ears. For the first time I was feeling so good in life and all was the magic was of love. Soon our meetings turned into dates and their frequency increased. But who knew what would happen next.

Soon I was profoundly involved in writing my new book. From early morning hours till late night , I was either thinking or writing.  My passion for my book seemed to have supplanted my passion for everything and everyone else. Why and how  I cannot tell. Every night, after drafting the final copy of my daily portion of writing, I would check my mobile to find 50 missed calls of Aradhya. Too worn out myself and assuming that, she would have gone to sleep, I would evade calling her at night too. I couldn’t explain my apathy to my newly found love. Probably my passion for my book had consumed me.

One day when I was taking my lunch I got a message on my mobile and I checked it, it was from her, she had written ‘‘just came out from the psychiatrist’s clinic, very depressed, want to meet you in the same park, urgent.’’

I immediately drove to the park. She was sitting there in a pink suit. There were tears in her eyes. I went near her and asked ‘Aradhya, what happened?’ She replied ‘I am suffering from Bi Polar Disorder.’

She said ‘My parents are forcing me to marry that opulent businessman. But I love you and can’t live without you. But you have totally forsaken me. You don’t even answer my call, let alone meeting.

This time, her tears did not seem to move me much. I replied ‘’No darling, I ain’t forsaken you. I just want to finish my book and then I will devote my whole life to you. This book is gonna be a best-seller, I tell you.’’ But, can’t you even talk to me?’’

I added ‘Okay, I promise, I will talk with you every day on the phone.’

It was Wednesday, the time was around 11 pm, and I had not slept for more than two hours in previous two days. I was typing on my laptop when I got a call, it was her call. So I got up from my chair and answered her call.  ‘’How are you? What are you doing?’’, said she.

I said ‘I was just typing.’ My sister came inside without knocking at the door with a glass of milk and I shouted at her not knowing why. Aradhya said ‘Why are you so exasperated? Why do you talk with your family like this?’

I said ‘I am a bloody writer I can do whatever I want to.’

She said ‘but still, they are your family.’

I disconnected the phone call and I came back to my desk to type, my phone rang again but I didn’t answer and it kept ringing. After the interval of a few minutes, it was the fourth call when I answered and snapped ‘why are you disturbing me? What do you think of yourself? Have you called to teach me how to behave with my family? If it’s so, thank you very much, now get lost.’ And I hung up on her and  switched the mobile off and I started typing again. In a little while, I came back to my senses and it flashed on me that I had done her a great wrong. She was suffering from Bi Polar Disorder. How could I do that? I switched it on and I dialed her number but it was switched off.

Two weeks had passed since that incident and I was very close to completing my book.  A lot had happened in these two weeks. I had quarrelled with my parents also and was living in a new apartment. I called her many times but she didn’t answer and I was too occupied to go meet her.

It was a Monday, when I got a message and I checked it, it was her message, she had written ‘Please come and meet me at Starbucks Café, maybe after this I will never meet you.’ I quickly came out of my apartment, Starbucks Café was in Raj Nagar just five minutes drive from my apartment, I come down and I saw that there was heavy traffic jam on the road so I decided to run. I reached there in ten minutes as I reached near the cafe she was clearly visible to me from the window. She sat in the Starbucks café, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her covered with blue silk scarf but still some portion of it was still visible. I went near her and sat on the opposite chair, everyone was already throwing odd looks at me. I said ‘Aradhya, what happened?’

She turned towards me completely she was crying and scared, there was a laceration on her face and it was fresh, there were many more marks on her hands, neck and cheeks. I kept my hands on her, she started sobbing, I got up and I went and sat next to her and I gave her a hug. My eyes fell on that knife which was half visible, I removed the blue silk scarf from it, it was a blood stained knife, I looked around, by now I was the centre of concentration of the whole café, and everyone was looking at me throwing me criminal looks. I wrapped it again and I hid it in her hand bag, I asked her again the same question but she kept on crying, I brought her in my arms and asked her again ‘Aradhya, tell me what happened?’ wiping hr tears.

She said ‘Murder!’ 

I said ‘What?’ in a horror look.

She said ‘I had killed my uncle.’ And she started crying more.

She asked a moment later, will they give me a death sentence? Or will they send me to jail for my whole life?’

She was sobbing in my arms, tears rolled down my cheeks, I added ‘Aradhya, just tell me the whole thing.’

She started saying, her voice was mixed with fear, cry, and she was shivering.

She said ‘After we have a fight that day, I became even more depressed, my uncle was newly married and his wife was a psychiatrist so I should go to her for counseling. As aunty was not having good relationship with uncle so she should always be alone and soon we became good friends, we started sharing our things, we started going for shopping together and we should also go for movies, but when today I went to her house for my regular counseling, uncle opened the door and he let me in. He said that Aunty has gone to neighbor’s house and she will return soon, he said me to sit on the sofa and he went inside. After sometime Uncle came and sat on my adjacent sofa and he started talking with me. After sometimes he kept his hand on my thigh and I removed it immediately. He said ‘Aradhya, I love you.’ I was shocked to hear that, I can’t believe that my uncle had said it. He shifted on my sofa and started kissing me madly all over my face, I was in an extreme shock, I was even not resisting. He threw me down from the sofa and he fell over me, he caught my hands in his tight grip, I was not able to free my hands from him and he started kissing me, and after sometimes he started tearing my top, my senses came back and I somehow threw him away and I ran towards the dining table but he followed me there too, he threw me again on top of the dining table and caught my one hand while his another hand was busy working on my rest of the body, my another hand which was free reached a fruit basket kept on the dining table, when that demon was kissing me it reminded me of the one which we once shared and I started attacking him with that knife until he died and fall away from me, I quickly got up and started moving towards the main door and I got a blue scarf on the sofa, I wrapped this knife in it and I had brought it here.’

Tears were rolling heavily down my checks. She said ‘I had informed police, they will be reaching here soon.’

I asked ‘but, why?’

She said ‘till when I will run from them, they will catch me one day, so why not today?’

We sat there in silence holding each other’s hand and looking at each other’s eyes. Soon the police vehicles came and lady constables arrested her, they put the knife in the evidence bag and took her away, my eyes followed them till the point from where they took a sharp turn and soon vanished from my sight. While paying the bill I could not believe it is a reality, I wish that it should be one of my bad dreams, but it was not. A waitress came to me and said that she had forgotten her handkerchief and she handed it to me. I sat down on my knees and I was just looking at her handkerchief.

 “If you will not care for your dear ones, they will definitely slip away from your hands like the time.”

I was just questioning myself that if I would have given little time to her than this might not happen if I should taken care of her than this she will not have to face this.

I was in the court and judge had already taken his decision, she had been declared six months imprisonment, as it was not an intentional murder but a self defense activity.

After a month I talked with my parents that I wanted to marry her after she comes out of the jail.

Mom said ‘beta, you will marry a girl who had been raped, do you even know what else her uncle had done with her?’

I said ‘no mom, that was the truth which she had told in the court, and I will marry her because I will not be able to give any other girl enough happiness that I can give it to her.’

And within a month they all agreed.

After six months.

I was waiting for her outside the jail with her parents as she came out she hugged her parents and then we hugged each other. I took her and her parents to the mall from where my book was to be released, as we reached their media persons started taking the pictures, I gave the book in her hands and they clicked our photos. She opened the book and read the dedication page, it was dedicated to her, tears came out from her eyes, and I was able to see the same innocence in her eyes, once I have seen in the court. I took out a ring from my pocket and sat on my knees and asked ‘Will you marry me?’

She nodded her head and I slipped the ring in her finger and the whole mall was filled with clapping and whistling sounds.

-Aditya Singh