Anandita- Our Broken Dreams.

Anandita- Our broken dreams

     Love. Sex. Career. Betrayal.

It was a Sunday, I went on the terrace after having my lunch and as usual I started taking a walk across the perimeter of the boundary. I saw the road that passes in front of my house and as usual it was also busy full of auto rickshaws, cars, bikes. I was on my yearly leave it was almost a year when I came home. This year also I was not having any plan to come home but on the phone call when mom started crying while talking to me I couldn’t control myself, I just booked a ticket to Chandigarh.

 I try to imagine what would be going on in the office right now. Ananya as always she will be missing the presentation deadline and I am sure that tonight she will be calling me and she will surely say to help her with the presentation which I was doing from previous three years. I was in the marketing department but still from three years I am helping her with her presentation of accounts department but today when she will call at night first of all I will say no and after her several pleadings I will agree, by the way these days where do you get a chance to hear a girl’s pleadings all they know is how to order ‘Akaash, please bring my laptop, Akaash please give me my phone’ and one day she even order me to bring a tea for her.

‘What did she think of herself? Is she my boss who can order me or I am a waiter or her personal servant’ I started talking to myself.

‘I am head of marketing department and she was junior consultant and she orders me. I never mind because I think her as a friend but still today when she will be calling me I will only agree after she will be pleading for a hour’ I was continuously talking with myself. When I realized I noticed that I have already taken complete six rounds of the perimeter. My eyes shifted on a woman on the adjoining roof, I was seeing her for the first time. This house was locked from almost a month but then I remember that mom was saying that yesterday a new family has shifted in that house. That aunty was holding a bucket in her hands most probably she was here for drying clothes.

I came back home, it was 2 p.m, mom said ‘Akaash where are you roaming at this hour just sit with me and let’s talk. I said ‘Mom, how can I talk with you, you are watching serials.

She switched off the T.V with the remote, I sat next to her and she started moving her fingers on my hairs. She said ‘Akaash, you are 26 now, when you will marry?’

‘Mom, again!’ I said.

‘What I have said wrong, before dying I want to see my grandchildrens.’

‘Mom, I am going on the terrace again, why you watch serials so much? I am able to see the affects of the serials in you’ I replied.

‘But beta, you will marry someone later, so what is the problem now? You have a job, you are well paid.’

I didn’t reply anything, it was for the fifth time she have opened this topic in front of me from previous seven days.

‘If you love someone than you can say me, I will talk with your dad’ she said again.

‘Mom, I don’t love anyone and neither I will marry at this age, I have lots of work to do, I want to become famous, I still don’t have my own house and lots more.’

‘Beta you can do that after marriage also’ She replied.

I stood up from the bed and I said ‘Mom, I don’t want to talk about this again.’

I moved again to the terrace and I started taking walk, I again looked towards the adjoining roof and I saw a girl this time. She was drying her hairs with a towel, she was wearing a saaree, and she was of my age. I looked towards her properly, she was having a fair complexion, her eyes and her lips were covered with her wet hairs. I was continuously looking at her, after sometime she moved her hairs back and she looked towards me. I looked towards her blue eyes, her pink lips I was almost hypnotized. I looked towards her eyes again but this time she saw me staring at her and she started walking towards the stairs.

‘Oh Shit! She saw me staring at her’ I said to myself.

My eyes followed her till she was out of my sight. I stood there for another five minutes and then I came back.

I asked ‘Mom, I am going to the market, do you want me to bring something for you?’

‘No’ she replied.

I changed my dress and I moved towards the market, it was full of rush. After roaming for half an hour I took an auto to Elante Mall. It is a biggest mall in the Chandigarh. I decided to check the movies that were frequently released. I moved towards the third floor in the lift.

I started exploring the mall; it was such a beautiful mall. I was coming here for the third time. It was a mall having four floors and an underground parking. They were showing Guzaarish on the screen, after roaming in the mall for quite a long time I sat down on a bench. I closed my eyes and again the same face came in front of me, I don’t know why I was not being able to move my mind off her. Her hairs that were kissing the air, and flowing with a rythm, her blue eyes. I was again lost in her. It was happening with me for the first time that I was feeling a kind of attraction towards any girl.

That night after having dinner when I shifted on my bed and again when I closed my eyes the same face came in my mind. I started thinking about her and some question started popping in my mind.

‘What if she is already married?’

‘What if she is having a boyfriend?’

‘What if she is engaged?’

‘She was wearing a saaree, I recalled but she was not wearing a sindoor but it can also be possible that she have not put any sindoor as she have taken bath recently’ there was continuous arguments going on in my mind. For now I just wanted to see her again. I stood up, I wear my sleepers and I came outside and started moving on the terrace. I looked towards her house, and to my surprise she was there, she was busy on her mobile, the screen light was falling on her face which was making it shine even more. She was wearing Salwar suit, she was busy typing on her phone. I checked the time it was 12:30 a.m and at this time she was chatting. I was feeling a kind of jealousy, but that doesn’t mean that she have a boyfriend I started saying it to my heart.

‘Should I talk with her?’ I questioned myself, after several arguments I came to a final decision that I will surely talk with her. I started taking a walk along the boundary so that she will not think that I came on the terrace just to check her. While taking walk slowly I went near the boundary that joins both the terrace together. She was still lost in her mobile phone. She looked towards me but within next nanoseconds she was again lost in her mobile phone.

Again a battle started in my mind ‘Should I talk with her?’

One side of my heart was yes and one side was opposing, my mind said before she will leave just talk with her. I crossed my fingers and I said ‘hi.’ She turned towards me and replied ‘hi.’

‘I am Akaash’ I introduced myself.

‘I am Anandita’ she replied.

‘So whats going on?’ I asked.

‘Chatting with friends and what are you doing here now?’

‘I....I.......I just came here to take the fresh air.’

She kept the phone on the boundary and she came near me and she stood taking the support of the boundary.

‘So you all are new here?’ I asked.

‘Yes’ she replied.

‘From when you are staying here?’ She asked.

‘Actually I am born here but I do not stay here, my parents stay here.’ I replied.

‘Where do you stay?’

‘Delhi’ I replied.

She asked ‘What do you do?’

‘I am head of marketing department in HDFC mutual fund’ I felt proud saying my prestigious post and the company with whom I work.’

She said ‘Good, you are at a good post.’

‘What do you do?’

‘I am a doctor.’ She replied.

We started talking on various topics, while talking I scanned her fingers to check if there is any engagement ring but there was no ring.

At last she asked ‘Are you married?’

‘No’ I replied, she asked me the same thing which I wanted to ask her.

‘What about you?’ I asked.

‘Never’ she replied.

‘I hate marriages’ and she started laughing at her own sentence.

‘I am feeling sleepy, see you tomorrow’ she said.

‘Good night’ I replied.

A week passed away, we both became good friends, at the evening we started regularly after she used to come from the clinic. She used to share with me about her day at the hospital; we started sharing each and every thing with each other.

It was Saturday and as usual we were talking with each other on the terrace. She said ‘I want to go to a shopping, will you give me a company?’

‘Of course’ I said.

‘Tomorrow, when?’ I asked.’

‘Let’s go in the evening.’

That day we talked on the several topics and finally we both went to our house.

She called me at 5.30 p.m next day ‘hello’ I said.

‘Where are you Akaash?’ She asked.

‘I am coming down in a second.’

We reached Elante Mall in fifteen minutes, I paid the auto and we moved inside, she said let’s go to that shop. She pointed towards a shop and she started pulling me inside. After a hour she finished her shopping and then we both settled in the food court.

‘You girls are so boring’ I said.

‘Boring! What about boys?’ She questioned.

‘Boys, see we are so cool and handsome.’

‘Who is cool and handsome?’

She questioned.

‘I am cool and handsome.’

She started laughing loudly. She said ‘you, cool and handsome?’ and again she started laughing. After she finished her laughing she said ‘look at your hairs, they are not combed properly, look at your collar, look at your nails they are cut, and handsome? Oh! My god’ and she started laughing again.

‘Then why did you come with me?’ I asked.

She didn’t replied she was just laughing, I stood up from my chair and I started walking back, as I reached the escalators someone caught my hands from back, I was sure that she was Anandita, I turned back towards her.

‘What happen?’ She asked.

I didn’t reply. ‘I was joking’ she said with a tension in her voice.

‘Please come back, I am sorry, I was joking, I really don’t know that it will hurt you.’

I was able to feel tension in her voice and very soon a tear escaped from the corner of her eyes.

‘Excuse me’ a man said, I looked around, we both were standing in front of the escalators and the way was almost blocked because of us. She caught my hands and she took me aside. She put her hands on my shoulders, and said ‘you are the most handsome boy I have ever seen, you are cool, you are intelligent and you know I will love to come with you in this mall throughout my life, another drop of tear rolled down her cheeks. She hugged me tightly and said ‘please forgive me, I was just joking’ I hugged her back and I said ‘It’s okay.’

She said ‘let’s have something’ and she wiped her tears. We again shifted in the food court as we settled down opposite to each other. After ten minutes she broke the silence, she said ‘you know how much I love talking with you, after sharing my problems with you I feel so relaxed, after sharing jokes with you and most importantly after laughing with you when I go back home, I don’t feel that I am tired anymore, almost whole of my tiredness is gone. You know when I am in the hospital I often think that what you will be doing at this moment, I keep on counting time so that I will come back home and I can talk with you again. I really enjoy talking to you and you know Akaash these looks, these words (handsome/beautiful) is nothing in my view. You know our faces; our looks can be ruined one day and its law of the nature that after 60 years from now our face will be wrinkled for sure. I don’t care what people say about me, I don’t care what will people of my age will say seeing me walking with handsome boy or an ugly boy but what I care the most is with whom I am spending my time, if I love that person that person loves me back or not. According to me what is the use of that love, which started looking at the looks of the other person and after having sex love disappears because that other person will find more beautiful girl than me and he will leave me, I want someone who will always be there with me to hold my hands, to scold me at my wrong decisions, to get angry on me, to take care of me, I will love that person and most importantly I will love to be with that person forever. I want to live the person, who just don’t look at my outer beauty but most importantly he will look inside my heart, he will be loyal to me, he will love me how I am. I want to be with a person who is truthful and I am lucky to be with you. She kept her hands on my hands. I smiled and said ‘now wipe your tears and say what you will eat?’

She said ‘I will take MC Chicken and a cake.’

‘And what will you take?’ She asked.

‘MC Aloo ticci’ I said.

I went to the counter and I brought those in a tray. We came home after that.

At night while sleeping, I was thinking about her, I recalled all those words she said today my heart said I was in love with her.

Next day we met on the terrace again, I crossed the boundary and I jumped the other side.

She said ‘now you are not angry na?’

I said ‘no.’

We started taking a walk around the perimeter quietly, the sky was turning inky the sun was setting. I looked towards her, a wind blew, her hairs came on her face and she put her hairs on her ears. I was able to hear temple bells ringing. I caught her hands, she didn’t remove it we took another round along the perimeter hand in hand and finally we stopped. She stood taking the support of the boundary and she started looking towards me, I was standing facing her still her hands was in mine.

She broke the silence and said ‘you know today my mom created my account on matrimonial site, she wants me to get married.’

I was quiet, I looked into her eyes after few minutes and said ‘I love you’ a silence engulfed us I was still looking into her eyes and she was looking into mine. After a pause of two minutes I said again ‘I want to hold your hands throughout my life, I love you more than the stars in the sky, I want to always be with you, I want to woke you up by serving bed tea, I want to say you “good morning” after a morning kiss throughout my life, the day I saw you for the first time I fell in love with you.’ I paused for another minute and I said again ‘I know that you can get far handsome and better boy than me but please will you be with me?’

Her eyes were moist by now, she came in my arms. That evening we sat in each other’s arms on the floor taking the support of the boundary. There were starts in the sky, her hands were in mine, she locked her fingers with mine and she put her head on my shoulder and she closed her eyes. I removed her hair from her face and I put it back on her ears.

‘Please never leave me alone, I am a little crazy girl, I do crazy things, I become angry more often but please do come to convince me, you can become angry on me, you can scold me but please at the end please come to me, never leave my hands. I never want to lose you’ she said.

‘I promise’ I replied.

 The time was passing by, after ten days I went to my grandparent’s home for a day with my mom, I would just spent hours thinking about her in my minds, I would smile whenever her face would come in front of me. She called me at night, I informed her that maybe it can take one more day here as my grandfather have some work, and he wants me to help him in that and finally I disconnected the call after saying goodnight.

Next day grandfather told me that ‘beta, it’s all right I have called my lawyer and he is in the city, so if you want you can go back but I will be more happy if you will stay with me.’

I said ‘no, dadaji, actually I didn’t bring my laptop and I have to do some urgent work, so I will have to leave.’

He blessed me and finally I came back home with my mom, it was evening, I couldn’t wait to see Anandita again, I wanted to surprise her, I quickly went on the terrace but what I saw surprised me she was standing taking the support of the boundary with another boy, he kept his hands were on her cheeks, they both saw me she removed his hands and said ‘Akaash.’

Tears rolled down my cheeks, I went near her and I said ‘that day you were with me and today you were with him.’

That guy said ‘you just mind your own business.’

‘Shut up! Yash’ Anandita shouted at him.

‘Akaash, what you are thinking it’s nothing like that.’ She almost cried.

‘You know girls like you are bitches, they will sleep one day with one guy and another day with another boy’ I shouted.

I came down and I locked myself inside my room. Mom asked ‘Akaash, what happened?’

‘Nothing mom’ I replied.

I cried, I didn’t have my dinner and I slept. Next morning when I switched on my mobile I saw there were 56 missed calls from Anandita there were two messages, I opened it

MESSAGE #1

“Please pick up my call, please”

MESSAGE#2

“I love you, please call me.”

I stopped talking with her, it was almost 15 days since last time I saw her, these days most of the time I lock myself in a room and I should work on the pending presentations and during nights sometimes I should help Ananya. It was tenth day when I got an idea of writing a novel and very next day I started writing. New Year was approaching nearer. I was missing her terribly. I miss her for the first half second and I become angry for the next half.

It was 2 days left for the New Year when mom said that she is leaving with dad as her sister is admitted in the hospital. They left that night. Next day I spend all the time in my room, sleeping, cooking, surfing internet. Finally the day came it was 31^st December. After that day she tried to contact me for another 10 days and then slowly her message started slowing down.

I took my lunch outside and I returned in the evening and again I started working on my new novel. I checked the time after completing 35^th chapter it was 9.30 p.m. I prepare a cup of coffee for myself and again I shifted on my chair and I started typing. Almost after an hour someone rang the door bell. I checked the time it was almost 10.30 pm. I opened the door, Anandita was standing right in front of me. I looked towards her; she said ‘Can I talk with you for two minutes?’

I gave her the way to come inside and I locked the door. I said ‘what do you want?’

She said ‘Akaash please try to understand it was nothing like that as you are thinking.’

I said ‘I have seen you both from my own eyes.’

She said ‘What did you saw? That day when Yash placed his hands on my cheeks and when I was about to remove it you saw us and I have not told him to keep his hand on my cheeks, he kept it suddenly.’

I was quiet the truth was that even I am not able to live without her. ‘Is it truth?’ I asked.

‘Akaash you know how much I tried to contact you? How much I love you? We hugged each other for five minutes, I saw her face after sometime, and there were tears in her eyes. I said ‘hey, I am sorry, it was simply a misunderstanding please forgive me.’

‘Please don’t say sorry, it was my mistake, I shouldn’t allowed him to come at my home.’

She came in my arms again, I wiped her tears and said are you okay now?’

She said ‘yes, I am fine.’

‘What you were doing?’ She asked.

‘I am writing a book, come I will show you.’

We came inside my room and she started reading the page on which I was working.  After reading the last word she said ‘It is freaking awesome, you write fantastic.’

I said ‘leave it when it will be finished I will give it to you for reading.’

She stood up from the chair and she sat on my bed, I sat next to her and I moved my fingers on her hairs. Our eyes met, I asked ‘Do you love me?’

She didn’t reply for few minutes, we keep on looking in each other’s eyes and she kissed me our eyes met, we keep on kissing for three minutes. She said ‘I really love you, please never leave me alone, it was your right to be angry. I am yours but I have not done all that intentionally. I switched off the lights using the side table switch, we shifted on my bed, we started kissing again and after kissing for a long time we broke the kiss, I removed her aanchal, she stood up, she helped me removing her saaree. I said ‘Who told you to wear saaree today? Can’t you wear anything else?’

She said ‘I like to wear saaree, and I am removing it na.’

She kept her saaree on the chair; I started kissing her generously from the back of her neck till her lower back. I embraced her tightly, I removed her blouse and her bra and finally we settle down on the bed. I started kissing her passionately while she was reciprocating with equal intensity. We rolled on the bed, we cuddled. I started kissing her neck, her shoulders, her breast, her stomach. I removed her undergarments and I removed my pant and underwear too. We both were lying on my bed without a piece of clothes on our body.

She asked ‘Do you have a Condom?’

‘Yes, I have a stock in my home’ I replied.

She started laughing and said ‘okay baba, we don’t need a condom.’

We both get into a sexual act, within minutes we started making love as if we were born to make love. We were kissing each other, licking each other’s body. She came on top of me swabbing my upper body with her breast, while intensely caressing my crucial parts with her hand and locking lips all at once.

We heard noises of the crackers, Anandita checked the time it was 30 seconds left for the new year, she started counting and finally the moment came ....3......2.......1 ‘Happy New Year’ she said. We locked our lips again.

I loosed my momentum after an hour, I lied down next to her.

She said ‘Why did you stopped?’

‘I am tired’ I said.

That night we remained awake for rest of the night just holding each other in a tight embrace. It was 5 a.m in the morning when she said ‘Will you marry me Akaash?’

I kissed her and said ‘of course I will marry you but after few years.’

She asked ‘Why?’

I said ‘Anandita, we both have our career, we both have our dreams so after completing it we will marry.’

‘But we can make our career after marriage’ she argued.

I said ‘No Anandita.’

‘Do you love me?’ She questioned.

‘haa baba I love so much.’

‘pakka?’ She asked.

‘Come’ I said and again we started kissing each other passionately, we rolled and I came above her we got into the sexual act again but very soon after reaching the climax she said ‘stop now, see it already noon. She stood up and she started wearing her panty. I was lying on the bed without clothes just looking at her.

After ten days I left for Delhi, we talk with each other very frequently but very soon I got busy with my novel so the frequency of our calls dropped. One day when I called her at night she informed me that she is four months pregnant.

I said ‘What the fuck! Why didn’t you told me before?’

She said ‘What happen? Why you are talking like this?’

‘You should go for an abortion’ I shouted.

‘But why, you said you will marry me, you said you love me, than why?’

‘He is your child Akaash’ she added to the conversation.

I said ‘I don’t want a child now, I have my career and I have my goals.’

She said ‘Please Akaash, I really love you, I can’t live without you’ she started sobbing on the phone and she disconnected the call the next second.

I called her again but the phone was switched off. Again for the next few months I got busy with the publishing and the launching of the book. Six months passed away, I was too busy with my book. I just got a message from her during these days

“Will you marry me? What is your final decision?”

I replied “I don’t have time for all these now”

During night when I should sleep I used to remember her face, I was missing her terribly, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to kiss her. I love her more than anyone else on the earth; I wanted to marry her after the success of the book. I knew she loves more than I love her; I knew it was that difficult for her as it was for me but I was doing it for our future, for the bright future for our chid. Just few days were left and after the launching ceremony of the book I wanted to marry her, I wanted to marry my Anandita, I wanted to make Anandita mine forever.

Finally the day arrived, I was getting ready for the book launching ceremony and tomorrow I was leaving for Chandigarh, I was eager to see my Anandita, to see mom. Thinking of tomorrow a smile came on my face, I wanted to gift her book. My mobile phone buzzed I picked it up and I opened the message.

“I just cannot live without you; I am leaving our baby with my mother as I don’t have enough guts to take a life. He is a boy, ya, boy you know. His face is totally gone on you but eyes are gone on his mamma. During his birth I was in real pain, my eyes were searching for you, I wanted to see you, I didn’t inform you because you said that you don’t have time for all these. But I cannot live without you Akaash, you can marry someone else your type (ambitious or an author like you) I was waiting for your next book eagerly, I wanted to read it but unfortunately I was not able to read it. Be happy. And never cry my baccha. I don’t know where I will go but I will surely pray for you. Unfortunately I am not being able to be your wife. If you want you can meet your son, he will be happy seeing his father.

With a sweet kiss (you know lip lock type)

Ummmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Bye.

I immediately called her number ‘hello’ her mom said.

‘Aunty where is Anandita?’ I asked.

‘Beta, she is no more, she hanged herself from the fan’ saying this she broke down into tears.

I took a next flight to Chandigarh, they have already burned her body. Her mom took me to a room where a child was lying on the bed.

Tears were rolling down uncontrollably from my eyes, I took my son in my arms and I just cried hard.

‘Why did you do this? Please come back to me’ I screamed.

No one can replace you from my life, you will always be there inside my heart, I will look after my son, and I will miss you. I will never marry again’ I said to myself.